By Demelza Desforges - MIN Ambassador, 17.12.2024

Self-Care Season

The Christmas season can be magical for many, but for mums who have endured domestic abuse and coercive control, it can also be overwhelming and triggering. The pressure to create the 'perfect' festive atmosphere for your children, while grappling with your own healing and emotions, can feel like an enormous weight. This post is here to remind you that you matter too. At Mums In Need, we wish to offer encouragement for making self-care a priority this Christmas.

The Challenges of Christmas After Domestic Abuse

Christmas often brings societal expectations of togetherness, happiness, and cheer. However, for mums who have gone through domestic abuse or coercive control, it can be a time when emotional wounds feel fresh.

• Triggers: Certain traditions, sounds, or even memories can bring back feelings of fear or sadness.

• Pressure: You might feel an immense responsibility to create a joyful Christmas for your children, even if you’re struggling emotionally or financially.

• Loneliness: If you’re navigating life without a partner, or adjusting to shared parenting arrangements, feelings of isolation or guilt can surface.

It’s important to acknowledge these emotions rather than suppress them. Healing takes time, and you are not alone in how you feel.

Why Self-Care Matters

Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential. As a mum, you may be accustomed to putting your children’s needs first, but your emotional and physical wellbeing is just as important. By taking care of yourself, you’re not only showing yourself compassion but also setting an example for your children that self-worth and mental health matter.

When you prioritise self-care:

• You’re more resilient in handling challenges.

• You have more capacity to create meaningful moments with your children.

• You reclaim your autonomy and rebuild a sense of safety and peace.

Practical Self-Care Tips for Christmas

1. Set Boundaries

   • Give yourself permission to say no to things that feel overwhelming or unhealthy. You don’t have to attend every event, and it’s okay to keep Christmas simple.

   • If you have shared parenting arrangements, try to focus on quality time with your children when they’re with you, rather than worrying about what you can’t control.

2. Create New Traditions

   • Start small and create festive traditions that feel safe, joyful, and personal to you and your family.

   • Whether it’s a movie night, baking together, or a simple walk in nature, these new rituals can help you reclaim the holiday on your own terms.

3. Prioritise Rest

   • Give yourself permission to take breaks. The world doesn’t stop if you pause to enjoy a cup of tea, read a book, or have a bath.

   • Rest is not a luxury; it’s a vital part of healing.

4. Connect with Supportive People

   • Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups. Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and understand you can make a world of difference.

   • Consider online or local support communities for survivors of abuse—it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

5. Practice Gentle Reflection

   • The end of the year can bring up reflections on the past, but try to focus on your progress, strength, and resilience.

   • Journaling can help you process emotions, acknowledge your achievements, and identify what you need to feel supported moving forward.

6. Focus on Gratitude and Small Joys

   • Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the hard parts—it’s about finding small moments of beauty, even on tough days.

   • Whether it’s a warm drink, your child’s laughter, or a quiet moment, notice and honor these small joys.

Affirmations for Mums This Christmas

When you feel doubt, sadness, or overwhelm, affirmations can help ground you. Here are a few gentle reminders:

• I am worthy of peace, joy, and rest.

• It’s okay to put my needs first sometimes.

• I have come so far, and I am stronger than I know.

• My value is not defined by how perfect Christmas looks.

• I am creating a safe and loving space for my family.

Remember: You Are Not Alone

This Christmas, give yourself permission to let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace the season on your terms. You have survived so much, and you deserve to feel safe, loved, and at peace. Whether your self-care looks like a quiet night in, seeking support, or simply breathing through the tough moments, know that every small act of kindness you show yourself is a step toward healing.

If you need additional support, organisations such as Mums In Need, Women's Aid or Refuge can provide resources and guidance tailored to survivors of domestic abuse.

You are not defined by your past—you are a strong, capable, and loving mum. This Christmas, let self-care be your gift to yourself.

You deserve peace. You deserve rest. You deserve joy.