By MIN Ambassador, 20.06.2025

Support for child victims of domestic abuse

In April this year, Dame Nicole Jacobs, domestic abuse commissioner for England and Wales, published a report centred around the experiences of a group often overlooked in domestic abuse: children. The ‘Tell Nicole’ framework was used to gain insights from children who have been victims of domestic abuse. You can view it here.

https://domesticabusecommissioner.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/dac_bcyp_tell-nicole_report_FINAL-DIGITAL-2.pdf

Children are victims too

It’s important to note that it was only in 2021 that children were first recognised, in law, as victims of domestic abuse in their own right in England and Wales. Section 3 of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines a child victim as any child who “sees or hears, or experiences the effects of, the abuse.” This change acknowledges the impact domestic abuse has on the wider family and that children suffer even when the abuse is not directly aimed at them. 

According to the NSPCC, one in five children have lived with a perpetrator of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse covers a wide range of abusive behaviours, often which overlap. These can include physical and emotional abuse, financial and sexual abuse, and coercive control. Nicole Jacobs says more than 800,000 children were subject to domestic abuse in the last year alone. You can hear her talk more about how child victims of domestic abuse are failed in this recent Channel 4 interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIbggD92y1E

The effect of abuse on children 

In our experience, mums who are victims of domestic abuse often try to shield their children from it. Yet even if abuse is not witnessed, children are usually aware of what is happening and affected by it. They may hear what goes on, or become attuned to the environment and sensitive to the mood of the perpetrator. The effects of their experience can be wide-ranging. Younger children may face separation anxiety or increased bed-wetting. Those at school may be distracted, perhaps worrying about leaving the victim with the perpetrator. The anxieties can manifest in physical reactions too, such as headaches and stomach aches. Teenagers might withdraw or act up, and even engage in risky behaviours or repeat the behaviours they’ve witnessed.

The relationships between the child and their parent/s can also be damaged in various ways. Some may feel protective of the victim but others may blame them. If a victim has left the relationship to escape domestic abuse, the child may see any lifestyle changes as that person’s fault (whether it’s financial or having to move schools or leave a pet behind). They may ‘side’ with the perpetrator or want to avoid them (yet can be forced into contact through the family court). 

Victims of domestic abuse, including children, experience trauma. There is no ‘right’ way to respond to trauma or a fixed way for victims to behave. Too often, people outside the situation make misguided judgements about how they believe they would behave. Unfortunately, this ‘perfect victim’ image can be expected and perpetuated in settings such as the family court and schools too. The Commissioner's report, centred around children’s voices, is clear that what children really need is non-judgemental support. 

At Mums In Need, we support those who are no longer in abusive relationships, and their children. Unfortunately, domestic abuse often does not end when the relationship does, especially when children are involved. So when considering children living with domestic abuse it’s crucial not to exclude those who are no longer sharing a home full-time with the perpetrator. All too often, the children are used to maintain control over the victim. This can continue through the family court system, with the service that should support victims only exacerbating the abuse. 

A lack of funding is failing children 

The lack of professional support available is strongly highlighted in the report. (Although this is centred around children, we know that this support void applies to all victims.) A lack of government funding is failing children who are victims of domestic abuse. Services are turning children away. Around a quarter of specialist services have closed, due to lack of funding. Over half of support organizations have waiting lists, including Mums In Need. 

The demand for support far outweighs the funding to meet it. So it was disappointing to see the government’s Spending Review from earlier this month, particularly when the government has said VAWG (Violence Against Women and Girls) is a priority. Organizations including End Violence Against Women and Girls and Refuge have spoken out against this. 

https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/spending-review-fails-women-and-leaves-survivors-at-risk/

https://refuge.org.uk/news/enough-is-enough-refuge-slams-lack-of-vawg-funding-in-spending-review/

Support for children who are victims of domestic abuse is imperative. Government funding is essential to enable enough support. If you are able to write to your MP to make them aware of your views on this, it could make a difference. 

Mums In Need will continue to help as many children as we can through our support services and groups, such as monthly coffee mornings and free tickets for family activities. We also run training for professionals to make them more aware of domestic abuse and its impact on victims, including children. Opening the conversations around the effects of domestic abuse is important. But having the funding to make a difference is the next step in giving children the support that they deserve. 

Credit for images used in this blog from - https://domesticabusecommissioner.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/dac_bcyp_tell-nicole_report_FINAL-DIGITAL-2.pdf