Summer Holidays for Survivors

By MIN Ambassador, 28.08.2025

For those who have been through, or are going through, coercive control and post-separation abuse, the summer holidays can be a particularly challenging time. Of course, every case is different. This type of abuse does not discriminate, and affects people across every section of society. But here we’ll look at some of the common issues that can come up at this time of year, as well as ways to support yourself (or a friend).

Access to children

Perpetrators of coercive control and post-separation abuse often use the family courts to continue their abuse. This is one of the few ways in which they can still maintain and exercise control over their victim. Sadly, it is the children who are weaponised and suffer greatly when this happens. 

In the most heartbreaking cases, an abusive parent may manipulate the court to remove access from the safe parent. For those who no longer see their children, memories of summer holidays and seeing families together can be particularly difficult. If you are supporting someone in such a situation, be aware of what they may be going through. Don’t avoid speaking about their child(ren) when it’s appropriate. You may want to talk about positive memories they and their children share. 

Access rights set by family courts mean that some parents may have to hand their children over to another parent who they know to be abusive. This could be for longer periods during the holidays. The abuse may directly target the child or be a means of ‘punishing’ the other parent. Either way, the child(ren) are victims affected by the perpetrator’s behaviours

Domestic abuse is most often not black and white. It can be a pattern of subtle behaviours which, in isolation, would not be deemed abusive. For example, some abusive parents make plans with the child(ren) then let them down at the last minute. As well as the psychological effect on the child, this impacts the safe parent’s plans too. Some abusers will insist on access and present in court as a committed parent, yet not be there for the child(ren) and leave relatives or friends to look after them. Even if a child does not want to go, the safe parent must make the visit happen or risk being deemed obstructive or of displaying ‘alienating behaviours’. This puts strain on the relationship between the safe parent and child too. 

If a parent wishes to take a child abroad, they must have permission from the other parent (if they share parental responsibility). Not granting this, or granting it then threatening to take it away, can cause unnecessary stress. It could even prevent a child from having a holiday overseas or visiting family and friends. 

All parents are aware of the increased costs that the summer holidays bring. For many survivors of coercive control and post-separation abuse, financial abuse is also a factor. There are many ways this can be displayed. Withholding child maintenance payments is common, yet is not seen as significant within the family courts. The other parent may not turn up on time (or at all) to care for the children which can impact someone’s ability to hold down a job and earn money. If family court proceedings are ongoing, these can be extremely costly too.

How to help

The issues above are just a snapshot of what those suffering post-separation abuse may have to deal with. The tactics perpetrators employ to hurt, shame or control ex-partners are endless. If you, or someone you love, is on the receiving end of such behaviour, you cannot unfortunately change the abuser’s ways. (It’s likely you already tried to do that in the relationship.) All you can do is focus on you, and how you can support yourself and your children. Here are a few tips on how to get through the summer holidays, hopefully with plenty of sunshine and smiles.

Free and low cost events

Take a look for local events that are free or low-cost. Local libraries often run events over the summer, and there may be social media groups or websites in your area that highlight events. Depending on the age of your child(ren), simple activities like a bus trip, baking together, or feeding the ducks can be a brilliant way to make memories. It’s easy to feel our children are missing out when we see grand experiences curated for social media, but remember that it’s the time you share that matters. Even a short time where your child is the focus will be special to them.  

Team up with other parents

If you’re a single parent, seek out others in similar situations. Suggest playdates, at home or in the park. Depending on your child and how well you know the person, you may even have swap playdates, freeing you up to have some time to yourself (and then returning the favour). Depending on your child(ren) and their age, you may even find that having another child around allows you to focus on other things while they entertain one another.

Take time for you

Although we know that it’s often easier said than done, recharging your own batteries is crucial. Dealing with an abusive ex-partner is draining, so taking time for yourself is rejuvenative. It may seem impossible, but start by thinking small. A bubble bath once the kids are in bed can be wonderful. If the child(ren) is with the other parent some of the time, spend at least some of that purely on you. If you were in a controlling relationship previously, consider making a list of things you weren’t allowed to do (and would like to do), then start ticking them off.  

For those supporting a survivor, look at ways you can help to give them some time. If you know they hate cooking, make up a batch of meals for the freezer. Offer to take the kids for a walk, on condition they have an hour relaxing. People who have been in coercive relationships can find it difficult to put themselves first, so gently encourage this without being pushy. They don’t need someone else to take control.  

Talk

Check in with people you love and who care about you. As the saying goes, ‘It’s ok not to be ok’. Sometimes talking to those you trust about your struggles can be enough to help you see a way through. If you need professional support, do reach out. There are organizations that exist to help you. Don’t diminish what you have been and are going through. One of the most insidious ways that coercive control and emotional abuse works is to alter our sense of what is normal and to make us downplay our own needs. You deserve support, so please ask for it.

You can find support on our Support page: https://www.mumsinneed.com/get-support

Other organizations that can help include: 

Refuge Call 0808 2000 247

Samaritans Call 116 123 

Women’s Aid