Preparing for Christmas

By MIN Ambassador, 03.12.2025

Preparing for Christmas

Christmas is a time of joy for many, but for victims of domestic and post-separation abuse it can be a frightening, anxious, and dangerous time of year. 

An escalation of abuse

Domestic abuse charities have reported increases to their helplines in January, with cases of abuse surging over Christmas. To be clear, Christmas is not responsible for that rise in abuse. Blame lies firmly with the perpetrator. But with additional stresses and strains on family life, increases in alcohol intake and time at home together, there are more flashpoints and opportunities for abusers to act.

At Mums in Need, we work with those suffering from post-separation abuse. This is recognised as a type of domestic abuse. For those who are no longer in relationships with their abuser, Christmas can also be an incredibly difficult time. 

If you are still living with an abusive partner, we would urge you to seek a safe exit plan as soon as possible. Putting it off until after the festivities can seem tempting but may not be the right option for you and your children. Speak with someone as soon as possible, ideally an organisation such as IDAS or Women’s Aid as well as someone you trust. This may be a friend or family member, or a professional such as your doctor. 

Dealing with post-separation abuse at Christmas

If you are going through post-separation abuse, there are a few things to be aware of:

1. Be aware of just how difficult this time of year can be. This may be the first Christmas you have not lived with your abuser. And when you share children that can come with bittersweet emotions. You can grieve the relationship you wanted whilst being happy that you had the courage to leave an abusive one. 

2. Be aware of emotional abuse. If your ex-partner makes suggestions about you ‘ruining Christmas’ or ‘breaking up the family’, remember that the responsibility firmly lies with them and their abusive behaviour. Perpetrators are often expert manipulators and have garnered sympathy from friends and family, but those people do not know the realities of your relationship.   

3. Be aware of any potentially dangerous or challenging situations. Will there be events where your ex-partner may be present? Are there times they may be drinking or using drugs? Are there any triggers you are aware of? If any of these are the case, plan in advance how you can keep yourself safe. Enlist the help of trusted friends and family members to be on hand for support. And don’t be afraid to turn down events if that’s the right thing for you to do. Putting yourself first can be a new and challenging experience but one that can keep you safe, physically and emotionally.

4. Be aware of court orders. We understand only too well how perpetrators use the family courts as a tool to continue their abuse. However, not following court orders can have seriously detrimental effects. It may be that your child/ren will spend Christmas Day away from you. If this is the case, have plans for an ‘extra’ Christmas Day with your children. They won’t mind what actual day it is on. And be sure to make plans for yourself when they're away. You might want to spend time with family and friends, volunteer to help a charity, or plan a day of luxury or wellbeing for yourself. 

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5. Be aware of your own wellbeing. Domestic abuse causes trauma. Dealing with trauma takes time. At Christmastime, we’re often busy and emotions may also be heightened. Check in with yourself regularly and schedule time for you. You might choose to spend ten minutes a day journaling, an exercise class twice a week, or a bubble bath once the kids are asleep. Show yourself compassion and kindness.

6. Be aware of just how far you have come. This time of year is often one for reflection of what’s been and to think about what's yet to come. Appreciate the journey you have been on and what you have achieved. We understand how incredibly difficult it is to deal with post-separation abuse and to start to heal. But you have a new life ahead of you. Do start thinking about the positive shape you want that to take over the year ahead. 

However you spend the festive season, we hope you find moments of joy and have a wonderful 2026.