Am I Still Being Abused After Separation?

Helping You Recognise Hidden Abuse After Separation

Even after a relationship ends, abuse can continue. This is known as post-separation abuse. It can take many forms, including harassment, threats, stalking, controlling behaviour through children or finances, or using legal systems to intimidate.

Abuse doesn’t stop just because the relationship has ended. If you feel afraid, pressured, or constantly on edge, even after leaving, these are signs that you may still be experiencing abuse.

Real-life Examples: Post-Separation Abuse 

1. Harassment and Constant Contact

"Even though I left months ago, he texts me all the time, asking where I am, what I’m doing, and who I’m with. If I don’t reply straight away, he gets angry or guilt-trips me. I feel like I can’t escape him."

What you’re experiencing sounds like a form of post-separation abuse. Constant contact, guilt-tripping, and attempts to monitor or control you after a separation are serious and can be very distressing. In the UK, online stalking and harassment are serious criminal offences covered primarily by the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, making repeated, unwanted behaviour causing fear or distress illegal, including online messages and monitoring.

Support tip: You can set boundaries around contact, block numbers or social media accounts, and keep a record of harassment. Learn more in this downloadable resource.

2. Using Children to Control

"He threatens to make me fight for custody if I don’t do what he wants. Even when I try to arrange things fairly, he twists it so I feel like I’m failing as a parent."

This is a form of post-separation abuse that uses children and parenting arrangements to control and intimidate. It is not your fault, and trying to arrange things fairly does not make you a bad parent. 

Support tip: Keep a record of all communication regarding your children, and seek guidance from family law specialists or trusted support organisations. Many of the organisations listed on our website offer free or affordable support. You do not have to face threats or pressure on your own.

3. Financial Control After Separation

"Since I left, he’s delayed child support and stopped paying for things he promised. I feel trapped and constantly stressed about money."

This is a form of post-separation abuse that uses financial control to maintain power. Feeling trapped or stressed about money is completely understandable and is something many of the mums we support experience.

Support tip: Keep a record of all financial agreements and payments, and reach out to agencies that can offer advice and support for separated parents. A range of organisations providing free or affordable help can be found on our website.

4. Online Monitoring and Stalking

"He keeps checking my social media, knows where I am through my friends, and sometimes turns up unannounced. I feel like I’m being watched all the time."

This behaviour is a form of post-separation abuse and can be extremely frightening and intrusive. Monitoring your movements, checking your social media, and turning up uninvited are controlling behaviours that no one should have to live with. 

Support tip: Consider updating privacy settings, documenting incidents, and seeking advice from specialist organisations about online abuse and personal safety.

5. Legal Intimidation

"This is a form of post-separation abuse known as legal or procedural abuse. Using the court system to intimidate, exhaust, or control a parent is deeply distressing and can leave you feeling powerless and overwhelmed. What you are experiencing is not fair, and it is not your fault."

Support tip: Keep a clear record of all legal correspondence, and access support from solicitors experienced in domestic abuse or post-separation abuse cases. See a list of our trusted organisations here.

6. Emotional Manipulation

"Even after leaving, he makes me doubt myself, tells me I’m overreacting, or reminds me of everything I supposedly did ‘wrong’ during the relationship. I feel like I can’t trust my own judgement."

What you’re describing is a form of post-separation emotional abuse. Even after leaving, an abuser can try to undermine your confidence, make you doubt yourself, or manipulate your sense of reality. Feeling unsure of your own judgement in these situations is completely understandable, and it’s something that resonates with many of the mums we support.

Support tip: Reach out to support organisations for survivors, and remember that emotional abuse is real and valid. You do not have to face it alone. You can also contact your GP who can refer to counselling or support in your area. 

7. Isolation and Cutting Off Support

"He has been turning my friends and family against me, telling them I’m overreacting or making things up. I feel like I have no one to turn to."

This is a form of post-separation abuse that isolates you from your support network. Manipulating friends and family or spreading lies is a way for an abuser to maintain control, even after the relationship has ended. Feeling alone or unsupported is completely understandable, and it’s something many of the mums we support experience.

Support tip: Keep a record of any attempts to isolate you, reach out to trusted friends or support groups, and connect with organisations that specialise in post-separation abuse. You do not have to face this isolation alone.

8. Threats and Intimidation

"He sends messages threatening to reveal personal information about me, or to take away my children. I feel scared all the time and don’t know what to do."

This behaviour is a form of post-separation abuse that uses fear and threats to maintain control. Feeling scared or anxious in these circumstances is completely valid.

Support tip: Document all threats and messages, contact specialist support organisations for advice. If you feel unsafe or the messages of threats of violence are continuous you can call 101 to report this (and screen shot any conversations as evidence) . If there is imminent danger call 999. 

Remember: Post-separation abuse can take many forms, harassment, manipulation, financial control, or intimidation. If any of these experiences sound familiar, support is available. If our waiting list is closed, you can find a range of other organisations here.

9. Emotional Blackmail via Extended Family

"He involves his family to criticise my parenting or decisions, and I feel guilty when they pressure me to comply with him."

This is a form of post-separation abuse that uses extended family to exert control and guilt. Feeling overwhelmed by this is understandable, and many of the mums we support experience similar tactics.

Support tip: Set boundaries with extended family where possible, document incidents, and reach out to support organisations that understand post-separation abuse. You have the right to make decisions without fear or manipulation.

10. Undermining Parenting

"He constantly criticises the way I care for our children to friends, family, or even online. I feel like nothing I do is good enough."

This is a form of post-separation abuse that targets your confidence as a parent. It is not a reflection of your abilities, and this experience resonates with many of the mums we support.

Support tip: Keep a record of incidents, and seek guidance from support organisations, parenting specialists, or legal advisors if necessary. You are doing your best, and support is available.