Charities and services can be used by abusers too

By MIN Ambassador, 17.09.2026

Those with experience of controlling, abusive behaviour may not be surprised by the lengths some perpetrators will go to in order to continue their abuse. For charities like Mums In Need (MIN), this can mean being drawn into that abuse ourselves and used by perpetrators as another tool for them to exert control. As with most abusive behaviours, the tactics involved can be varied and complex. Here, we look at some of the most common ways this happens, and how we here at MIN protect ourselves and those who we support.

Weaponising the family courts and social services

Sometimes called ‘paper abuse’, ‘litigation abuse’ or ‘legal abuse’, this is when a perpetrator uses systems designed to protect victims against them instead. It's a tactic we see often in cases of post-separation abuse. Perpetrators may contact social services to make false allegations against the other parent, sometimes repeatedly. They may also threaten, or instigate, legal proceedings. This could be over finances after a split, or in the Family Court over decisions around children. As well as the financial cost, this can have a significant impact on a survivor's wellbeing. Survivors have been known to describe the Family Courts as retraumatising.

Building credibility by supporting charities like ours

Victims of domestic abuse and coercive control often fear not being believed. Even in the most tragic and heinous cases, newspaper headlines can still describe perpetrators as ‘well-respected’ or ‘a good man’. Some manipulative perpetrators thrive on cultivating exactly that image. One way they do this is by aligning themselves with organisations like ours. Perhaps they share or comment positively on our social media content, or even make a donation. These gestures are designed to control others’ perception of them, presenting them as caring individuals, and even actively opposed to domestic abuse. 

Social media can also be used to provoke reactions and responses from others. We do provide guidelines to those involved with us directly, yet the nature of social media enables it to be used in such a way. 

Seeking access and information

Perpetrators may also try to align themselves with organisations like ours to gather information, or to counteract the support we offer. In some cases, they attempt to access details about a specific victim-survivor we're supporting. They may pose as the victim-survivor themselves, or as a trusted family member or friend. Then they might cancel or rearrange appointments, or try to find out where an ex-partner is now living or working. When a perpetrator has previously used digital tracking or surveillance to control their partner, this kind of information-gathering can happen without the survivor's knowledge.

Intimidating organisations and individuals

Perpetrators may target the organisation itself, not just the survivor. This can include formal complaints designed to take up time and resources of charities, directed at staff or anyone associated with the organisation. In some cases, legal threats, harassment, or more direct forms of intimidation follow. Social media also makes it easier to run smear campaigns intended to discredit an organisation and discourage others from seeking its help. 

Weaponising the family courts and social services

Sometimes called ‘paper abuse’, ‘litigation abuse’ or ‘legal abuse’, this is when a perpetrator uses systems designed to protect victims against them instead. It's a tactic we see often in cases of post-separation abuse. Perpetrators may contact social services to make false allegations against the other parent, sometimes repeatedly. They may also threaten, or instigate, legal proceedings. This could be over finances after a split, or in the Family Court over decisions around children. As well as the financial cost, this can have a significant impact on a survivor's wellbeing. Survivors have been known to describe the Family Courts as retraumatising.

Building credibility by supporting charities like ours

Victims of domestic abuse and coercive control often fear not being believed. Even in the most tragic and heinous cases, newspaper headlines can still describe perpetrators as ‘well-respected’ or ‘a good man’. Some manipulative perpetrators thrive on cultivating exactly that image. One way they do this is by aligning themselves with organisations like ours. Perhaps they share or comment positively on our social media content, or even make a donation. These gestures are designed to control others’ perception of them, presenting them as caring individuals, and even actively opposed to domestic abuse. 

Social media can also be used to provoke reactions and responses from others. We do provide guidelines to those involved with us directly, yet the nature of social media enables it to be used in such a way. 

Seeking access and information

Perpetrators may also try to align themselves with organisations like ours to gather information, or to counteract the support we offer. In some cases, they attempt to access details about a specific victim-survivor we're supporting. They may pose as the victim-survivor themselves, or as a trusted family member or friend. Then they might cancel or rearrange appointments, or try to find out where an ex-partner is now living or working. When a perpetrator has previously used digital tracking or surveillance to control their partner, this kind of information-gathering can happen without the survivor's knowledge.

Intimidating organisations and individuals

Perpetrators may target the organisation itself, not just the survivor. This can include formal complaints designed to take up time and resources of charities, directed at staff or anyone associated with the organisation. In some cases, legal threats, harassment, or more direct forms of intimidation follow. Social media also makes it easier to run smear campaigns intended to discredit an organisation and discourage others from seeking its help. 

Being prepared

Organisations have to be alert to these tactics used by perpetrators. Alongside training our staff to recognise them, we have a policy specifically designed to address this kind of abuse. Perpetrators are often skilled manipulators. We have to be vigilant, and ensure that we are never unwittingly coerced into becoming enablers of the abuse we help survivors to escape from. 

The greater impact we have in raising awareness of post-separation abuse and coercive control, the more these kinds of tactics are aimed at us. Every situation is unique. So any incidents are dealt with on a case-by-case basis, alongside our policies and procedures. This minimises disruption, allowing us to do what we do best - support survivors through some of the most traumatic times of their lives.