By Demelza Desforges - MIN Ambassador, 29.10.2024

The Allegory of Post-Separation Abuse in Coraline

As Halloween approaches, many of us are drawn to tales of ghosts, ghouls, and other demons. Spooky Season brings the creepy thrills of Trick or Treating and scary movies, but Henry Selick's Coraline offers a chilling reminder that real terror often lurks in everyday lives. These horrors aren't merely physical, they are often invisible and elusive, psychological and emotional threats eerily engulfing us just like the unsettling nature of coercive control.

Coraline is a chilling story of a young girl who ventures into a seemingly idyllic parallel world only to discover a sinister truth beneath the surface. This animated film stands out not just for its haunting visuals and engaging storytelling, but also for the deeper themes it explores, particularly the issues of control, identity, and manipulation - elements that resonate profoundly with those who have experienced some of the complexities of post-separation abuse. You can catch this movie in selected cinemas in October 2024, to mark the film's 15th anniversary.

One of the most poignant symbols in Coraline is the concept of button eyes, which serves as a powerful metaphor for the insidious nature of coercive control and post-separation abuse. As we delve into these themes, it’s essential to recognise that with the right type of support it is possible to get free from the shackles of abuse. 

The Allure of the Other World

At the beginning of Coraline, the protagonist discovers an alternate universe where everything seems perfect, a stark contrast to her dreary home life. This "Other World" is initially enticing, reflecting the way many victims of domestic abuse can find themselves drawn into situations that seem ideal yet are fundamentally deceptive. In the aftermath of separation, many survivors face new forms of manipulation, often characterised by the perpertrator's attempts to maintain control through guilt, threats, and other emotional blackmail. The character of the 'Other Mother' (the Beldam) in the film embodies this manipulation - she presents an idealised version of love and care while concealing her true, controlling nature. 

The Symbolism of Button Eyes

Some perpertrators will stop at nothing to maintain power. When they lose control over their victims, they might up the ante and start to involve children in their villainous tactics. This desperate need for control can manifest in cruel ways, such as manipulating children’s perceptions or even engaging in acts of sabotage against the birth mother. The emotional fallout from such toxic behavior can be devastating, not only for the mother but also for the children, who become victims of the abuse too, and who are left to navigate an environment fraught with tension and divided loyalties.

The button eyes in Coraline are a striking representation of this manipulation. They transform the characters who wear them into mere puppets of the 'Other Mother', stripped of their autonomy and individuality. For victims of post-separation abuse, the metaphor resonates deeply. Just as the characters are imprisoned by the Beldam with  button eyes used as shackles for control, survivors can feel overwhelmed by their abuser's tactics, leading them to overlook or rationalise the mistreatment they experience.

The button eyes serve as a chilling reminder of how an abuser can distort reality, making it difficult for victims to recognize the true nature of their situation. Many survivors report feeling as though they are trapped in a cycle of confusion and denial, akin to being blind to the ongoing abuse. The eyes, which typically represent perception and awareness, become a symbol of the fog that envelops victims of coercive control, blurring their understanding of what constitutes healthy dynamics.

Weaponising New Relationships

A particularly insidious feature of post-separation abuse is the use of new relationships to turn children against their mothers. In Coraline, the Other Mother attempts to win Coraline's affection while subtly undermining her real mother. This dynamic mirrors how abusers often leverage new partners to manipulate and alienate children from their authentic mothers, in an ongoing wish to cause harm to their victim, as a punishment for trying to remove herself from the toxicity. 

By falsely portraying the new partner as a figure of stability and care, abusers can create an environment where children feel pressured to align with the new partner's perspective. In Coraline, the Other Mother tries to convince Coraline that her real mother is inadequate, positioning herself as the superior figure in Coraline's life. This manipulation can leave children caught in a web of loyalty conflicts, often pitting them against their birth parents and complicating their emotional landscapes. 

For many survivors, this tactic can amplify feelings of isolation and helplessness. The constant pressure to maintain a relationship with an abuser's new partner, while navigating the loyalty towards their real mother, can lead to severe emotional turmoil and confusion. It’s a strategy that not only serves to reinforce the abuser's control but also distorts the child’s perception of healthy relationships. Traumatically, it harms the child's sense of self, and can interfere with the bond between children and mothers, while also disturbing their relationships with other family members, making them even more isolated.

Post-Separation Abuse: The Continuing Struggle

Post-separation abuse can manifest in various forms -stalking, harassment, emotional manipulation - all designed to exert control even after a relationship has ended. The Other Mother’s relentless pursuit of Coraline after her initial escape is a harrowing reflection of this reality. Victims often find themselves in a cycle of abuse where their abuser continues to exert influence over their lives, leveraging past emotional ties and fears to maintain power.

For many, recognising the signs of this ongoing abuse can be akin to removing the button eyes and regaining clarity. Awareness is the first step toward empowerment. Our charity Mums in Need plays a crucial role by providing support and resources, helping survivors understand their experiences and reclaim their lives.

Unstitching the Button Eyes

Ultimately, Coraline is a story of resilience and courage. Coraline’s journey to confront the Other Mother and sever her ties to the Other World symbolizes the strength required to break free from the chains of abuse. Just as Coraline learns to see beyond the allure of the fraudulous Other World, survivors must courageously work to peel away the layers of manipulation that have clouded their judgment. By recognising the manipulative tactics and seeking support, victims can become survivors by reclaiming their lives and empowering themselves to create a brighter future. 

Mums in Need plays a vital role in supporting survivors and their children rebuild after abuse. We help survivors foster a greater understanding of the complexities surrounding post-separation abuse, including how abusers use new relationships to turn children against their birth mothers and resort to other harmful tactics to maintain control. In this way, victims transform their narratives from one of victimhood to one of empowerment. 

As we navigate the complexities of the human experience, let us remember the lessons of Coraline. By confronting the darkness and embracing our true selves, we can emerge stronger and more resilient, with a life filled with authentic, healthy, and supportive relationships.